Dear Kevin Barnes

i really hate you.

stop being so fucking weird. you will never be ziggy stardust.

with no respect at all,

sarah

I'm Sorry

but this is fucking perfection. an lolcat bible? oh.em.gee.

ya know...i'm not really sure why i find those lolcats so hilarious, but i do. really, they make me laugh out loud. i get excited for new ones to be posted and i frequently send them to friends because they crack me up so much. i realize this makes me sound a bit like a cat enthusiast. or a crazy cat lady. be that as it may, i'm not really so sure it's the actual cats themselves, as it is the way the words are written.

so this project to get the bible translated into the "lol" language really makes me laugh.

here is an excerpt, from Genesis. apparently, that's the Old Testament...?. (btw, i know literally nothing about the bible, so this is perhaps all the more funny...).

"Oh hai. In teh beginnin Ceiling Cat maded teh skiez An da Urfs, but he did not eated dem.

Da Urfs no had shapez An haded dark face, An Ceiling Cat rode invisible bike over teh waterz.

At start, no has lyte. An Ceiling Cat sayz, i can haz lite? An lite wuz.4 An Ceiling Cat sawed teh lite, to seez stuffs, An splitted teh lite from dark but taht wuz ok cuz kittehs can see in teh dark An not tripz over nethin. An Ceiling Cat sayed light Day An dark no Day. It were FURST!!!

An Ceiling Cat sayed, im in ur waterz makin a ceiling. But he no yet make a ur. An he maded a hole in teh Ceiling. An Ceiling Cat doed teh skiez with waterz down An waterz up. It happen. An Ceiling Cat sayed, i can has teh firmmint wich iz funny bibel naim 4 ceiling, so wuz teh twoth day."

and just for shits and giggles, here is the lolcat that is currently cracking me up so much that i am snorting. at work. very professional.

i'm not even really sure why i find it so hilarious.

Super Awesome: The Black Keys, "Attack & Release"

as i'd mentioned in a previous post, i'm addicted to stealing music. meh, it's a flaw. what can i say? so last night, i stumbled upon an early leak of the new Black Keys album, Attack & Release. (not to be confused with Simian Mobile Disco's, Attack, Decay, Sustain, Release. really, quite different albums...)

anyhow, so, unable to resist the urge to snatch it up, i downloaded it and listened to it on my way to work this morning. i'm on my second listen right now.

i gotta admit, i hadn't really listened to Black Keys much before (always a little late to the party, i tell ya...). funny story actually. embarrassingly enough, i got confused as to what band i'm going to see on saturday (it's the Black Lips), and thought it was the Black Keys (coming in April, but i'll be back east when they're in town...)...anyhow, chaos ensues, marked by massive confusion on my part (fairly typical, i'd say) and i finish downloading this album only after realizing i'm seeing the Black Lips on saturday, not the Black Keys. (i have too many "Black" bands in my ipod and it's enormously confusing for a simple minded gal as myself)

so, a few things about this album:
1. It's really excellent. The sound is southern-rockish (at least to me), sort of haunting, sort of old-school (for lack of a better term). I wish I knew more about musical production and stuff because "Remember When (Side A)" has me sort of entranced at the moment. There's a weird echo-y sound going through the background and it's so beautiful. It's almost country in a way.

2. Interestingly enough, after "Remember When (Side A)" comes "Remember When (Side B)" which is the exact opposite in terms of sound and energy. It's rock'n'roll. That's all I can really say.

3. Perhaps most importantly (to me), is the fact that this album was produced by Danger Mouse. And like, I've sort of noticed a recurring theme with Danger Mouse. Everything he does is super. Seriously. The Grey Album, which isn't great in terms of the sound and listen-ability so much, but the fact that it was really one of the first (in my world, anyways) mainstream mash-ups that really got recognized. The juxtaposition of classic Beatles with a rapper who will probably end up being considered quite relevant as time progresses, Jay-Z, is interesting and kind of cleared the way for some other versions of this. Most recent, that I've heard is a Jay-Z/Led Zepplin mash-up by Dj Doc Rok, called American Zepplin. (not great, but i gave it a listen for kitsch's sake). So back to Danger Mouse. So there was The Grey Album, and then he did Gnarls Barkley with Cee-Lo. And I don't really care if it's not cool, I really liked that album a lot, and still give it a listen every now and again. Another album is in the works, I believe, so it'll be interesting to see if the energy and sound remain constant, or if Gnarls Barkley was a one-time fluke thing. Then there's the Gorillaz, Demon Days, which I really loved. And the creativity behind that is just ridiculous, you must admit. The whole concept is so fun. And new. And then he did work with Damon Albarn's project, The Good, The Bad, and The Queen. Another excellent work, in my opinion. (Side note: seeing them live was sort of surreal...I mean, it's Damon Albarn. and (sigh) Paul Simonon. and Tony Allen. and Simon Tong. truly a great show. Albarn and Simonon are rock stars in the purest sense of the word. Showmen...performers...totally swoon-worthy.) And something else I just found out was that he also did work on The Rapture's album as well. Again, I don't care how un-cool it may be to like The Rapture, I do. Even if they did fucking suck a big fat dick when they opened for Daft Punk this summer in Brooklyn. (Seriously guys? Like, you're musicians. Who cares if one of your keyboards isn't working the way it should. The show must go on.) And lets not forget about his work with MF Doom. God, I fucking love that album.

I guess what I'm slowly coming to realize is that everything Danger Mouse touches is gold in my book, no matter the "genre," and no matter who he actually works with. And really. Like, the man loves costumes. What's not to love?

with Cee-Lo as Pedro and Napoleon Dynamite.

with MF Doom as Freddie and Jason.

and by himself as the Tin Man (my personal fave.)

And this Black Keys album is really no different. It's rock 'n' roll with definite roots in southern rock and old style country. The whole album is easy to listen to. And the haunting sadness sorta thing has got me hooked. Especially the last track on the album, "Things Ain't Like They Used To Be." It's so fucking good...the slow twangy guitar, the lyrics. Everything is perfect. I'm obsessed with it right now.

Get this album.

Dear Common

I hate to say this, man, but like, you are not good anymore.

Like, you kinda irked me a little with the whole friends-with-Kanye business, but I got it: you're both from Chicago. Hometown roots go a long-ass way. I'm alright with that. And, I mean, I was sorta willing to look past the whole "Gap" thing, because, you know, ya gotta make money, but...

I'm just not sure I'm ever going to be able to get on board with this new "Light" business. Serious. It's really FUCKING AWFUL. And like, it's all for a promotion for Smirnoff or something...?

Yo, dude..."The Light" was one of the bestest love songs and you have put out some of the best albums! Seriously, Resurrection? Like Water for Chocolate? Excellent. My collection would not be the same without those. Be wasn't even all that bad. I admit, I listen to it every now and again...

But, seriously. WHY THE EFF DID YOU DICK WITH "THE LIGHT"?! I sorta gotta put it out there like this: I sorta hate you a little bit now.

Which I'm sure is straight with you because of the whole, like, me being white thing. But...

Really? REALLY?

Regretfully Yours,
Sarah

PS, I still liked you in Smokin Aces.

Cover Bliss: UPDATE

okay, so technically this doesn't qualify as a cover, but i just found a BMORE BREAKS version of "Safety Dance".

umm, there are splices of Little John saying, "Yeah!" "Okay!" in between...

this.is.the.greatest.day.of.my.life.

i'm about to jump up and make my booty bounce like it wrote a bad check. (heh, i had to use this line. i just heard it in my new anthem, "Jello," by The Pack.)

Covers, Glorious Covers

so, i admit: i'm a sucker for a cover. especially when it's slightly unexpected. for instance, when my little angelbaby friends in Earthtone once covered "Crazy in Love," by Beyonce, i thought that was really quite clever. they also did "Walk Like an Egyptian" once and i thought that was clever as well.

today i was trying to find something new to listen to, so i went to one of my favorite music blogs and ended up clicking around and stumbled upon the HypeMachine, which may or may not be the most wonderfullest thing to happen to my workday since OhMyRockness Radio. seriously, get a minute and go on the HypeMachine. it's pretty sweet.

anyhow, i was just kinda of perusing around the site, which, if i understand correctly, is like a humongous search engine for a whole bunch of music blogs all over the world. and it picks up all the MP3s that are posted or whatever and brings 'em to one spot and you can look through 'em. and like, for those of you who probably are dismissing this as some sort of dumb "hipster" "indie" thing that only looks at Brooklyn Vegan to find the next!best!thing!, you can rest easy: I just listened to a piece of college nostalgia in a certain Bruce Springsteen song...

anywho, whilst perusing, i noticed a blurb about MGMT, who, as you may or may not know, i adore a lot a lot, i looked through the tracks that are posted all over the internets.

and i found the greatest thing ever.

embarrassingly enough, i found that one of the hottest songs ever recorded, "Closer" by Nine Inch Nails (yes, i know, i've just skyrocketed downward in any semblance of coolness...) was covered by MGMT in '02. so i listened to it and it was wonderful.

and then i moved onto a song called "I'm Not in Love" by The Teenagers (who, again, i don't care what anyone says, they are fucking hilarious and a funfunfun dance party. stop taking music so seriously.) that was covered by some chick named SuKo...(?) or something like that. and that was great too!!!

and then i found The Hold Steady (super awesome live. see them if you can. i cannot wait to see them again. especially if it's at a tiny little venue like the Ottobar...). and they covered a song that always puts me in a happy mood, "American Music," originally by the Violent Femmes.

and then, to test this thing's search function, i typed in one of my all-time favorite covers EVER. in the whole entire world. "It's Okay" performed by Pearl Jam, originally recorded by Dead Moon. this song reminds me of perhaps, the ex-boyfriend who was most perfect for me...the college boyfriend...the one i look back on the most fondly... anyhow, this song, for some reason or another really stirs something in me. and i haven't listened to it in years. and now i'm on my 3rd listen.

ahhhh, sweet cover bliss...

i take that back

sarah silverman's video is even funnier.

Fucking Hilarious

okay, so i don't really watch late night television. but i do seem to remember hearing something a little while back about sarah silverman making a video for jimmy kimmel in which she declares that she's fucking matt damon. funny girl, that sarah silverman. anyhow, i was reading a music blog today and found this hilarity that jimmy kimmel created in response to the matt damon fucking. seriously, this may be one of the funniest things i've seen in a while. if only for all the random cameos. chkchkchk it out.

BOOKS! and stuff

so i mentioned i'm reading Against Happiness, that book by the Wake Forest Lit professor that...well, argues against happiness (crazy title for a book about that, eh?). and it's quite good, and i find myself underlining and making notations as if i were to be tested on it or something. but it is a tad heavy. and thinking about "melancholia" so much isn't always to best thing to do, especially if one has spent the majority of the day feeling kinda blah.

so last night i read some more of another book i'd been reading called The Namesake. it's not that good, so i'll spare the book report, but the part i read last night really resonated with me.

Gogol/Nikhil, the main character, has been shacking up with a wealthy Manhattanite, Maxine, and they end up going to spend 2 weeks with her parents at their lake house in New Hampshire one summer. i have a soft spot for lakes, as nearly every summer vacation my family ever went on when i was young was to a lake. Deep Creek (before it got really built up), in Western Maryland, Lake Saranac in the Adirondacks, and (closest to my heart) Keuka Lake, in the Finger Lakes region in Upstate New York.

Gogol has never vacationed like his girlfriend's family does--they own a lake house in a secluded spot in which one must drive down a long, gravel road, way off the beaten path to get to. the house has no driveway; Gogol observes the car in just parked on the grass. the main house is unremarkable--mismatched furniture, exposed pipes, rustic, etc. Gogol and Maxine sleep in a guest house, down a path from the main house, that is, in actuality, a shack that Maxine used to use as a play house when she was younger.

anyhow...Gogol keeps talking about the lake house, the lake itself--the blueness of the water, the enormous amount of stars in the sky, the way the temperature dips at night, the fullness and brightness of the moon... he talks about the lack of television, playing board games at night, going to bed sometimes by 10, the musty smell of the lake, the heat of the his shoulders in the afternoon sun, wading into the water and swimming out to the dock when it gets unbearable...

like i said, the book isn't all that great--i just found it on my book shelf and realized someone had let me borrow it after my last hospital stint and i never read it (you'd be surprised at how difficult it is to read anything when one is on a morphine drip and epidural...). i've been reading a few pages before bed every night, to sort of lull my eyes to close, but then i got the Happiness book, and shelved the other one.

i digress. this description last night just hit really close to home. the house sounded exactly like the house we used to go to at Saranac--a house that belonged to my mother's cousin's husband's family... everything sounded the same. and the way the experience is described--the delicious isolation--evoked every memory i have of Keuka. Keuka has been in my family for years and years and years; my great-grandparents spent their honeymoon there, and my grandmother and her three sisters spent every summer there growing up, and my mother and her three brothers spent every summer there growing up. and in my life, we don't go every summer--that's nearly impossible, but we went quite a bit with other members of the family--specifically, my uncle and his 3 boys--and most recently, that same uncle has actually bought a house of his own on the lake and my mom and i have managed to go for a few days for the past two summers.

i cannot begin to describe the lake to you; i cannot begin to describe the way it makes me feel. all i can say is that being there recharges me and brings me to a peaceful place within myself and carries this sort of romanticism that i cannot find anywhere else. perhaps it's the history of my family there; perhaps it's way the lake has not been ruined by tourism or the 21st century. perhaps it's the fact that no one else really knows about Keuka, so i feel like it's my secret or something... i don't know. whatever it is, i crave it constantly, and it saddens me tremendously to know that i probably will not be able to make it there this summer. (the drive from bmore to keuka is quite a bit shorter than the drive from chicago to keuka...)

and since things are a little mixed up right now, and the weather's a little less than desirable in the midwest right now, the only thing that i can think about is the lake. and how badly i want to go back...

this is more than likely a worthless blurb of information to anyone but myself, but the lake makes me want to write, and i've spent a large chunk of my free time today at work google imaging keuka. and sighing. and feeling near tears. and feeling like my heart is going to burst.

this is my Zen:

i cannot wait for summer. i need to find my Zen.

Dear Recording Industry,

I'm very sorry, but I have an uncontrollable compulsion to obtain free music. Really, I'm so sorry, I know it's like, wrong and shit, and I should really be supporting the artists whom make my day so much brighter, but when someone dangles free music in front of my face, I can't help but take it, put it in the pod and listen to it.

In my defense, I will say this--I've found out that I like a lot of music that I didn't know about this way. And since I'm sort of an audiophile, especially when it comes to live music, I usually end up putting money in the pockets of these artists at shows and such.

Really, I am so sorry, but I felt like I just had to get it off my chest. I felt guilty. Especially after a particularly active morning of illegally downloading...

Love and Respectful Admiration,
Sarah

Good for Them

I hope they win.

Brits Know What's Up

i don't care what anyone says, i love that damn rihanna "umbrella" song. and i love the klaxons. and they performed "umbrella" together at the Brit awards. it's super. great lights, if i do say so myself.

Music is My Hot Hot Sex

playboy does a "Sex and Music" issue apparently (one and the same if you ask me...) and in this year's issue are pics of Daft Punk, Hot Chip, Iggy, the Shins, Duran Duran and Gogol Bordello.

no one's naked, and apparently Iggy even kept his shirt on. whywhywhy?

also, a bunch of people have designed shirts with the bunny and whatnot. look at the Daft Punk shirt!!!

obviously, the bunny robot heads are Daft Punk's work; the other one is done by Hot Chip.

"That was the night everything changed..."

i don't think i'll ever stop loving Liquid Swords. i'm serious. i'm never not in the mood to listen to that album, especially the title song. it's the simplest beat, there's nothing fancy there, just the RZA and the GZA doin' it.

i remember when i was like 13 or 14 and worked with my brother at my dad's driving range and he'd drive me to work and he must've just gotten this album or something, because he played it constantly. and i remember thinking how bizarre all the spoken word intros to the songs were...and being mildly scared by the one that was on "Liquid Swords." it took a few more years for me to really appreciate the perfection of the album.

what i wouldn't do to have been able to see one of those shows where the entire album was performed.

siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh.

wu-tang foreva, yo.

bee.tea.dubs., this is a still from my most favoritest vignette in Jim Jarmusch's Coffee and Cigarettes. it's really great. youtube it. you'll be thankful.

Dear Rumplemintz,

we're over.

i mean it this time. yes, we've had some good times, but after a night with you, i generally wake up feeling dirty. and borderline suicidal.

it's not you, it's me. i just can't do this to myself anymore.

maybe someday, we can be friends again, but for now...i think it's best if we see other people.

respectfully yours,
sarah